Please GameStop it, Hollywood

Okay, screenwriters, directors, authors, and production companies — we get it. You have some experience telling stories about Wall Street, the video game industry, or social networks, and you see some mighty big dollar signs in the true tale of how Reddit managed to drive an ailing video game retailer’s stocks to completely ridiculous highs through sheer power of will plus a David versus Goliath narrative that probably doesn’t hold up under close examination.

So you’re making movies — four of them — and a TV show. Why not? It’s not like any one person has the rights to a news event like this!

As of Friday, February 5th:

HBO now has a movie from the guy who wrote Too Big to Fail and co-created Showtime’s Billions MGM optioned a movie based on a book that hasn’t even been written yet whose author you’ll probably know from the book that became David Fincher’s The Social Network Netflix is negotiating with the screenwriter of The Hurt Locker and Zero Dark Thirty to write yet another movie, with one of those cute guys from To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before playing a role The writer and director of Console Wars (a book, also a movie) now have a feature-length documentary that’s “fully financed and already in production” And yes, a TV show. How can this possibly turn into a TV show?

No. But just in case yes, we imagine this set of completely disparate productions will need some excellent titles going forward. May we humbly suggest:

GameStop: Never Stop Stopping Uncut GMEs Meme Streets Short Stop From Pre-Order to Stock Order I Have No Shares, and I Must Sell Hate the Player, Not the GME The Weeb of Wall Street The Game is Up GameStop Won’t Stop Diamond Hands Robinhood and the Men in Gamer Chairs To The Moon, or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and HODL This Theater Still Exists Because of This Movie’s Events (remember AMC?) The Bankrupting of the Hedge Fund Melvin Capital by the Internet Message Board WallStreetBets

P.S. The dictionary definition of the word “stonk” is “a concentrated artillery bombardment,” so if I told you there is now a stonk of GameStop movies in development, that would largely be correct.

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