The bisexual community has an inside joke that describes what it’s like to date as a bi person: People think it means double the options or double the fun, but it really just means double the rejection.
Self-deprecating jokes like this one are at the core of the Single People Club regardless of sexuality, but bisexual people do face extra roadblocks in the dating world.
True: Online dating sucks for everyone. Horny jerks disguise themselves as relationship seekers, your DMs are constantly filled with bad pickup lines and overly-persistent creeps, and many times, the site’s algorithm ignores the filters that you’ve set. But the fact that there are no dating sites that cater specifically to bi people means that they’re frequently swiping on people who don’t take bisexuality seriously.
The unique dating challenges that bi people face boil down to one rigid concept: being too gay for some and too straight for others.
The “B” in LGBTQ+ makes up for 50 percent of the queer community, but it’s one of the least-acknowledged letters in the acronym. What makes the bi dating landscape — especially the online one — so tricky to maneuver?
What is unicorn hunting?
One of the most antiquated stereotypes about bisexual people is that they’re always down to fuck and down for polyamory. “Unicorn” is a term used to describe a bisexual person (usually a woman) who sleeps with heterosexual couples. In online dating, unicorn hunting is when a straight, taken female user toggles that she’s “looking for women” — not genuinely looking for a girl to get to know romantically, but rather for a girl interested in a threesome with her and her boyfriend or husband or whoever. Of course, they don’t mention this until later.
No one is saying that threesomes are bad. Reddit users who have experienced this mention that they don’t have a problem with “ethical non-monogamy.” They have a problem with being tricked into it. (There aren’t any great apps for polyamory either, but this is why Feeld exists.)
Bisexuality is hyper-sexualized on heteronormative apps
Another frequent bisexual experience is one that all women face online, now heightened by the mere mention of “bi” in a dating app bio: men being creepy. Too many straight men have yet to grasp the concept that bisexuality is not a green light to ask a stranger how many girls they’ve been with or if she likes men or women better.
23-year-old Megan from Virginia, who is a friend of a friend, told us via Facebook that she couldn’t even count the number of gross (slash ignorant) messages she’d received from men in reference to writing “bi” in her Tinder bio. “There were times when they would be like ‘Oh, you never seemed gay in high school’ or whatever, because gay is obviously a personality trait